Creative Outlet

Finally being out of school has given me the opportunity to try some new things. I found that I really enjoy scrapbooking. It's something I never thought I would like. I don't consider myself especially creative, and I never really had time to just "sit around" with something like that. However, now I've found that it's really good for me... a de-stress outlet. My favorite thing to do is make cards for other people. I have gotten so much affirmation (especially from my sweet husband) after making only a couple that I have decided to throw this out there: if you would like me to make a custom-made, personal card for someone you love, I will only charge you $1.50 for it. Right now, cards cost anywhere from $.99 for the cheap, blank-inside cards to $5 for the musical cards. What I will do is ask you a few questions about that person-- interests, hobbies, style, etc.-- and when I have a feel for him/her, I will piece together a card for whatever the occasion may be. I don't know if anyone will even see

 this or respond, but I would love to make a card for someone you love. Please check out the attached pictures to see a few I've already created for some special days in my loved ones' lives. 

"Time you enjoyed wasting is not wasted time." -T.S. Eliot

It's Been a While...

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Your perfect love is casting out fear...

(Matt Redman)

Sorry for the lag in postings. Lately, I haven't felt able to express myself. So many things have happened, so many emotions. The best and most exciting thing has been that, for me, teaching has become something I can enjoy. So quickly things can change. The line from Matt Redman's song struck me tonight as I listened to it at life group. I was sitting there crying at how incredible God has been to me... wondering how I could go from such anxiety and frustration to being able to take things one class at a time, to love the kids, and to enjoy the day. I am even able to help with extracurricular things! (I am the proud girls' hurdling coach at East Juniata.) Because I want to be. At one point, it was all I could do to make it through six periods, get home, and sit down. Now...I am free. How could God allow this for me? It's too good, too much. 

...it's because He not only did all that, but He taught me to be content and to love. When I see my kids and find so much joy in them... when I see them and try to visualize how the Lord sees them, rather than how my frustrated or annoyed self sees them, then... wow. I truly see them. I am not afraid of them or of my own abilities. God is more than enough for me and for them, and I have a burning desire to magnify that to them. I want them to know so badly the freedom they can have in Jesus. The freedom I have. The way my life is different now than it would have been had I not known Him. 

It's not as if I am able to do this on my own... or even at this point that I am able to do this every moment. But God is challenging me, increasing my strength to live the moment. And it is so good. I pray the same for you. In every situation, every day. 

Now, I have a four-day, beautiful weekend. I will try to post again sooner next time!

PS:

Check out Addison Road, a really neat new Christian group on iTunes: 

I may never be the one that gets the second glance

I may never be the one they call the prettiest

That's alright with me

Maybe I don't follow every crazy passion

Spend all my time trying to get a good reaction

That's ok with me. 

This world is like a trampoline

High and low, no in-between

Jumpin' at the chance to please everyone

That's not me

All that matters is

All that matters is

Your love has set me free

And that's all that matters to me.

My life comes from the One 

Who made the stars and brought the sun

He loves me more than these

So I don't need another identity!

Spring Fever

I could smell it as soon as I walked out of my classroom Monday afternoon. All day, I could see the sun shining, but even when it's ten degrees out, the sun looks warm from inside. However, I knew for sure as soon as that fresh, amazing scent wafted past my face in the English hallway. There is nothing like spring peeking around the corner after days of cold and snow. Spring. I could just SMELL it. I walked out to my car, and I couldn't help but smile. Something just thrilled me to the point of utter giddiness. I had my big exam at Penn State that evening, and it was sixty-one beautiful degrees, so I opened my sun roof and rolled down my window. I cranked some worship music and sang my heart out. My stomach was fluttering with joy all the way to State College. I couldn't even tell you why I was so happy, other than that fresh-dirt-smell... the smell of past years, the beginning of track practice, picnics in my front yard, going for walks, hanging out with friends at the Creme Stop, Spring Break in college... 

As I drove, I thought about these past few weeks and how difficult they have been for me emotionally and spiritually. I felt like February would never end, but here it is-- March. I felt like I would never be ok with this job or find joy in it, but here I am. I'm not in love with it yet, but I have...embraced it, I guess you could say. I do what Mom said and take one class at a time. I have learned to really enjoy my students and to rest in that. And that feeling I've had so often of being a bad teacher, of always doing things incorrectly... it's slowly not there anymore. So softly did it leave that I barely even noticed, until one day I realized I was not fretting about it anymore. It's still there, but I can choose to grasp the truth-- I am a good teacher if I do my best and love the kids. 

Thinking through all of this on paper, I realize I left out an important part of why I am joyful this week. At church on Sunday, Glen talked to us about significance. He asked if we were like he used to be-- judging our importance based on the "Christian ladder"... if you're a life group leader, you're on rung 2. If you're a pastor, rung 5. An elder? Rung 3 or 4, depending on what other activities you lead. I believed in that ladder wholeheartedly. Glen challenged us to be insignificant. Me? Insignificant? I couldn't be ok with that, could I? All my life, I chased significance. I wanted to do great things-- to save the world or be famous or be a missionary or...anything, as long as I would be seen as important. 

We all thought we'd do something significant when we were kids. Doing something significant looks different to the world than it does to God. Such simple words. I know this in my head, but my heart finally heard it Sunday. We need to become like little children. For the first time, I realized that I could not be in ministry or leadership right now, because I believed for so long that that would place me on a higher rung on the "ladder" of Christianity. I thought any regular job was so much lower. Teaching... But God wanted me to be where I am. And maybe it was just to get me to recognize the significance of a non-sacred, non-ministerial job... a normal job... I realized that if we are not comfortable with where we've come from or who we are, we will try to elevate ourselves above the people that are "higher." We cannot serve that person or love that person because we are so busy trying to be better than them. I have not been sure of myself. I have felt insignificant and been very discontent with that. There are those in my life that I see as "higher" than me, and for so long, I have tried so hard to climb higher, to prove my significance. But every time, God would not let me. No matter what I did or talked or tried, God kept me where I was, where He wanted me. Insignificant... This is the lesson He's wanted me to learn this entire time I've struggled. I'm finally glimpsing it. Finally. I will never be "better" than anyone. And I don't need to be. I don't need to strive for that or for people's affirmation. I need to be content with where God has me and to believe that it is significant to him. That has to be enough. What I do has significance to God, and it is the most significant thing I could ever do because it's what He wants for me. This is my path. Glen prayed this prayer: "Forgive us for trying to shard to grow up and have it together and for trying to appear spiritual." Help us to embrace the way of insignificance. 

I Will Run

I will run the race set before me

I will seek Your face as the prize of my life

I will run the race set before me

I will seek Your face as the prize of my life

I will run

I will run

I will run 

I will run

All I want is You

All I crave is You

All I want is You

All I crave is You

My soul pants for God and God alone...

-Misty Edwards

Don't let me fool you.

I don't have it all together. Here's a song that I love... It came on this week on my way to work, and I just really needed to hear it. Maybe you will appreciate it as well today. 

Even Then

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake

In the middle of the night

When the expectations are too great

And the bar gets raised too high. 

So I do the best with what I've got

And hope that no one knows

That I strain to see how high I can

Try to stand on these toes

Until I'm measured

But You know better

So thank You, Jesus, 

Even when You see us just as we are

Fragile, frail, and so far

From who we wanna be.

So thank You, Jesus, 

Even when the pieces are broken and small

Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind

Thank You even then. 

So I put aside the masquerade

And admit that I am not ok

Which may not be the thing to say

But I'm not ashamed to need You

More each day.

We raise the standard

And try to reach You

But we'll never make it

And we don't need to...

--by Nichole Nordeman