I sighed as I sat back in my chair, and he looked over at me, taking a moment from his car and wiping his hands on the rag in front of him.
"So what should we do for church tomorrow?" he asked me. The never-ending question, it seemed. Every week since we left our church the previous November. It was getting tiring.
"I don't know," I said. "I'm so worn out with this. I just want to find a church home and be able to be committed and involved-- but not have to drive an hour to get there!"
I pressed down on the Apple and "Q" buttons on my keyboard, quitting the Internet application. Turning on iTunes, I began playing some worship music while Marc worked and I pondered. Church is not what it used to be, it seemed to me. There were so many churches, but it was so hard to find a place with an excellent, thought-filled message AND excellent worship AND excellent fellowship. Maybe Professor Miller was right-- God is doing something different in our time. Will house churches be the way to go soon? Is God looking for a different kind of worshiper, for an end to the "system" we call church now? What does His church look like? What does He want for His Body? I knew that church was His idea, yet it felt like we were missing something somewhere.
I began praying in desperation:
Lord, let us find a place. Let us be where you want us. Show us how to be plugged into what You have for Your people. Let us not be sucked into the church system, the "Christian power ladder" that is so prevalent. Let us be a people that emanates love. Your love. For each person. Your compassion. Break our hearts as a people for what breaks Your heart. Make us real, Lord. We want to be real with people in order to draw them to who You really, really are. We miss so much of who You are because we are so wrapped up in who we want You to be or who we think You are. Or even how we want people to see us. We're so tied up in ourselves. Take the blinders off our eyes. Change our hearts. Break us. Make us a people who are all Yours. We want to be all Yours.
Marc started singing along to the song that was playing: "I will wait for You, Jesus, my Strength and my Song, for You tenderly, jealously lead me along through the shadow of death to the fountain of life. Now forever together You'll be my delight." I smiled at the sound of his voice and the truth that was being sung. I knew God had us. I knew we would find our place in His Body. I was just an impatient girl and wanted to be in a church now.
You have me, Lord. Let all the pieces fall together as they need to in order for Your plan for us to be fulfilled.
I want more.
