Time has run its course, and God has been working his clay. I have been in such a beautiful, quiet season. Waiting, resting, observing. I was re-reading some previous posts, especially the last. It has been over a year and a half since that post and to this day, I have not quite recovered from that church split. In fact, last night, we were speaking with friends and realized just how many churches we have all been in-- churches that have broken apart. It is so sad that power-hungry people can ruin the beauty God desires for the body. And I believe with all my heart that God's will is not done and has not been done in such situations. Not everything that happens is the best way, and perhaps that is why I still feel so unsettled in the area of my church home. We have been going to River Church of Juniata County, the branch-off of the church that we broke away from, but my spirit is still restless. I have not fully settled myself there. As we spoke with our friends, I realized for the first time that perhaps, ten years ago, God's will was not followed when yet another church was viciously torn apart. And perhaps that is why we feel the way we do-- could it be that things were supposed to work out differently, and our paths were supposed to lead in other directions, but none of it happened because of a few people's arrogance and politics?
I don't know the answers, but I am thankful for the challenges. Being in church is messy, and it would be easy to abandon it altogether, but I feel that God wants us to be in fellowship and worship with people for a reason. To flee the church would be to run away from things God wants us to learn. And so we continue to go, to learn to love people despite their humanness and to be blessed by love from others despite mine.
Below, I have copied a note I wrote on Facebook a few months back that I feel speaks to this issue:
I had a dream last night… tons of weird stuff happened... you know, the typical weirdness, including Marc and I getting married secretly and "honeymooning" (if you know what I mean) in the stacks of a random, huge, super cool library. When the rest of our Hispanic (yep... don't know) family found out, they were angry with us because they thought we weren’t married, and for some reason, we never told them we were. Seems simple now. All I know is there was a lot of fast, angry Spanish talk going on.
Anyway, at the end, Marc and I were in this big, beautiful building and I knew it was on fire, so I was hurrying to get a few things and get out. A group of people was gathered in the great room having, what I think in my subconscious mind, was a committee meeting. I got the feeling it had something to do with a church issue, so in my sleep, I think I then translated my surroundings into a church. Marc and I rushed around our “house” (because in my mind I couldn’t put my thumb on what it was supposed to be) grabbing things we wanted to save while yelling to the committee that the house was burning down. They didn’t listen to or even acknowledge our warnings. They ignored us. The last thing I remember was grabbing my two Bibles—the NIV and the NASB (of course!)-- and my purple journal and rushing out the door as the committee stayed behind in a house that was going down.
Whoa. Symbolism? I definitely think so, being the romantic I am. What a great story that could be… suspense novel? I wish. I can imagine it, even if I never write it. The church committee is so possessed and/or blinded at the end (after a book full of situations where people keep doing things that seem right but are really wrong, and people who are your typical protagonists are really working with Satan) that the house, which is supposed to be a house of God, burns down around them. The ship is sinking, but the crew doesn’t know it. They are dead before they even stop to look around at the rising water.
I don't know what this means, if anything, but I do know I have seen so much go wrong in my short life in the church. I know I want more. I know we need clearer vision and more determined hearts. We need every day to be prepared for warfare. We need to be prepared for Satan's assaults. Oh Lord, wake up your church. Wake me up. Radical changes need to be made in our everyday hearts and minds if we want to find victory in You in our own lives and in our church family. Wake us up, Jesus. Motivate us. Give us the determination and drive to stay on course every day in all we do. Please.
Anyway, at the end, Marc and I were in this big, beautiful building and I knew it was on fire, so I was hurrying to get a few things and get out. A group of people was gathered in the great room having, what I think in my subconscious mind, was a committee meeting. I got the feeling it had something to do with a church issue, so in my sleep, I think I then translated my surroundings into a church. Marc and I rushed around our “house” (because in my mind I couldn’t put my thumb on what it was supposed to be) grabbing things we wanted to save while yelling to the committee that the house was burning down. They didn’t listen to or even acknowledge our warnings. They ignored us. The last thing I remember was grabbing my two Bibles—the NIV and the NASB (of course!)-- and my purple journal and rushing out the door as the committee stayed behind in a house that was going down.
Whoa. Symbolism? I definitely think so, being the romantic I am. What a great story that could be… suspense novel? I wish. I can imagine it, even if I never write it. The church committee is so possessed and/or blinded at the end (after a book full of situations where people keep doing things that seem right but are really wrong, and people who are your typical protagonists are really working with Satan) that the house, which is supposed to be a house of God, burns down around them. The ship is sinking, but the crew doesn’t know it. They are dead before they even stop to look around at the rising water.
I don't know what this means, if anything, but I do know I have seen so much go wrong in my short life in the church. I know I want more. I know we need clearer vision and more determined hearts. We need every day to be prepared for warfare. We need to be prepared for Satan's assaults. Oh Lord, wake up your church. Wake me up. Radical changes need to be made in our everyday hearts and minds if we want to find victory in You in our own lives and in our church family. Wake us up, Jesus. Motivate us. Give us the determination and drive to stay on course every day in all we do. Please.
So take from this what you will. :)
On another note, Marc and I have been living in a HOUSE. Yep, a HOUSE for 3/4 of a year. December 12 will be our move-in anniversary. We love our place, and we love being on our own and making our beautiful house a beautiful home for both of us. Check out Facebook for photos. We thank God constantly for the HUGE blessing this house was to us-- from start to finish. The price, the location, the neighbors, the taxes, the new furnace and roof in/on it... continual blessings, blessings, blessings!
Wherever you are, be all there. (Jim Elliott)
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